My mind is almost constantly running in a thousand directions at a ridiculous speed. It’s like a merry-go-round on steroids; everything flying around so fast I can’t properly think about anything in particular. Last week my mind ranged from hyper to clogged to empty, and I didn’t know why.
One of my dearest friends asked me how I was doing, and I told her that sometimes I think I’m losing my sanity. She encouraged me to talk to someone about it. My first thought was, I don’t know whom I would talk to. My second and perhaps more revealing thought was, I don’t have a clue what I’d say. If I don’t know what I’m feeling or thinking, how am I supposed to explain it to someone else? And how can someone help me if I can’t tell them what I need?
While I was driving home, I took the time to analyze things a bit. There were a few small things that I was dealing with, as well as one main issue I was subconsciously struggling with that became clearer as I focused on it.
Inferiority. Worthlessness. Lies from the enemy.
I felt like I could disappear and there would be very few people who would care and a lot of people who would be relieved. I wanted to be wanted, not just needed.
Then I had a thought come to me, which I’m sure was sent from the Lord. Maybe God created me because he liked the idea of a ‘me’. Maybe He wants a relationship with me because He likes me. He likes the way I think, and all the things that make me, me. Maybe He didn’t just create me to fulfill a purpose. Maybe He created me because, when He was thinking about my personality, and my nature, and my very essence– my character, the indispensable quality of who I am–He smiled.
Somehow the thought that God likes me was incredibly comforting, especially considering the fact that He thought me up! It takes away some of the sting of how I perceive how others think of me. After all, I didn’t make me, God did. So if I’m feeling insecure, I can remember that. And if people truly don’t like me, they can complain to God about it. My responsibility is to be the best version of me that I can be, and let God enjoy me without hearing me complain about the way he made me.